my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
