I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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