Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
