turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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