$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
