at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
