i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
