His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
