arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
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