3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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