life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
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We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
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It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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