Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
