That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
