were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
