If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
