its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
