My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
