I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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