Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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