think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
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I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
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Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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