I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
