im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
