sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
