He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
