Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
