Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
