I like my sex mixed with concussions.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
