I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
