I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
