I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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