he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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