God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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