Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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