Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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