I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
