worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
