if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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