I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
