How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Pants are for mortals
that may or may not have been my penis.
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