Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
