If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
