Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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