Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
