She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So. Much. Porn.
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