why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I smell stomach acid.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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