Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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