Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
