wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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