I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
