we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Let's get the cat blown out
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
