you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
