oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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