ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
