I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Randomize
