hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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