on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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