Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
