I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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