Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
FUCK WHALES
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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