Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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