My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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