We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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