matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
