Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
