Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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