Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
