sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
