Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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