I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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