I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
well you can't waste a boner
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
