This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
We talked him into tasing himself.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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