apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I have fence marks all over my body
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
