my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
