Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize