I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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