Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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