u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I love having hate sex.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
