well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
