He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
as a side note pls kill me
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
