I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
