Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
