I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
