I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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