In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
