3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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