This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
